Chi ha bisogno di un padre?

Fathers: Who needs them?
By Dr. James C. Stroud and Fr. Brian A. Dudzinski

In 1994, approximately 19 million children, from all social strata were being raised in homes where no father figure was present. Over 50% of all children who were born in 1992 and later will spend part of their growing years living with only one parent, and in 90% of those cases the child will live apart from the father.4 Fatherlessness is a growing enigma for our society. From national satellite broadcasts, state conferences sponsored by governors and other politicians, local organizations and churches many individuals are recognizing the urgency of bringing back responsible fatherhood and fathers to the family.
This article will address the growing statistical evidence that supports the role of the father as important. The five myths that are prevalent in our society will be outlined. The benefits of father presence and child development will be discussed.

Statistics of fatherhood in USAAbout 40% of U. S. children will go to sleep in homes in which their fathers do not live. Over 50% of our nation’s children are likely to spend a significant portion of childhood living apart from their fathers. Never before in this country have so many children been voluntarily abandoned by their fathers. Never before have so many children grown up without knowing what it means to have a father.5 Wade Horn, National Fatherhood Initiative, recently identified the top ten father facts.
An estimated 24.7 million children (36.3%) live absent their biological father.
There are almost 17 million children (25%) living with their single mothers.
1.25 million or 32% of all births in 1995 were out-of-wedlock.
Today nearly 4 out of 10 first marriages end in divorce, 60% of divorcing couples have children, and over one million children each year experience the divorce of their parents.
One out of every six children is a stepchild.
There are nearly 1.9 million single fathers with children under 18.
4 out every 10 cohabiting couples have children present and of children born to cohabiting couples, only 4 out of 10 will see their parents marry. Those who do marry experience a 50% higher divorce rate.
26% of absent fathers live in a different state than their children.
About 40% of the children who live in fatherless households haven’t seen their fathers in at least a year while 50% of children who don’t live with their fathers have never stepped foot in their father’s home.
Children who live absent their biological fathers, on average, are more likely to be poor, experience educational, health, emotional, and psychological problems, be victims of child abuse, and engage in criminal behavior than their peers who live with their married, biological mother and father.6
Figure one further depicts the “disappearing dad” phenomena in our country.
DISAPPEARING DAD
US Kids Living With 1960
Father and mother 80.6%
Mother only 7.7
Father only 1.0
Father and stepmother 0.8
Mother and stepfather 5.9
Neither parent 3.9

1980
62.3%
18.0
1.7
1.1
8.4
5.8

1990
57.7%
21.6
3.1
0.9
10.4
4.3

Sources: America’s Children by Donald Hernandez, U.S. Census Bureau. Because statistics are from separate sources, they do not total 100%.7

Myths of fathers in USA “For the Lord sets a father in honor over his children; a mother’s authority he confirms over her sons” (Sir. 3:2).

“There are five myths about fathers that have been perpetuated in the United States.

The first myth is the father as a biologically unfit parent.
Margaret Mead once said that fathers are a biological necessity but a social accident. Fathers are viewed primarily as the breadwinner and the disciplinarian in our society. This idea of fathers being “accidental” was challenged by numerous individuals such as Bowlby, 1977; Pruett, 1987; Brodzinsky & Schechter, 1990; Lamb, 1981; and Parke & Brott, 1999. Fathers are not only a biological necessity, but also a social absolute.

The “dangerous father” is the second myth. There are individuals (French, Brownmiller, Dworkin, Faludi, and Wolf) who have informed us that men by their genetic make-up pose a real and valid threat to the female adult and to all children. This myth is perpetuated by Child Protective Service (CPS) workers, the media culture, and skewed and falsely reported statistics. Further, “women are just as likely as men to hurt a child, and of the people who physically abuse their own children, 60 % are mothers.” However, this is not the norm, and as long as this is a prevailing attitude, this idea can become self-fulfilling whether by the fathers or the mothers who have this attitude.

The third myth is the “lazy dad.” Hochschild (1989) made the chilling claims that men perform only seventeen minutes of household-related work a day compared to their counterparts’ three hours a day, and that fathers interact with their children only twelve minutes a day compared to mothers’ fifty minutes. McBride & Mills (1993) found fathers interact with their children on average 1.9 hours each day Monday through Friday and 6.5 hours per day on Saturday and Sunday, making the amount of time 83% of the time of the mother. Further, they found fathers to be available on average of 4-9 hours per day Monday through Friday and 9.8 hours per day on Saturday and Sunday, totaling 82% of the time of the mother.

In myth number four fathers are seen as “dead beat dads.” Have these men really run away from their families or are they being chased away? Does a “dead beat dad” really exist? Governmental agencies are quick to point our statistics of the run-away or deadbeat dad, but negligent in accepting part of the responsibility of this phenomenon. Due to court decisions, lack of father support, accusations of spouses, and denial of welfare payments to women if there was a man around the house have forced men from the very role many government officials are now touting as crucial . . . the fatherhood role! Recent legislation, sponsored by Senator Pete Dominici, R-N.M. and Senator Evan Bayh, D-Ind., entitled “Fathers Count” passed the House by a vote of 328-93. The primary purpose of this legislation is to assist men in becoming responsible fathers. The legislation will offer grants for numerous initiatives. The bill is pro-marriage. It offers two-parent, at-risk families incentives for fathers to assist their children and become more involved parents.

The fifth myth is the “bumbling father” or the “useless father.” Parents looking for books with positive father role models, other than the traditional disciplinarian and breadwinner are pretty much out of luck. The media supports the bumbling and useless father myth (“choosy mothers choose Jif”; “recommended by Dr. Mom”; Kix is “Kid tested, mother approved”). Fathers are depicted as inept in the areas of nurturing and caring (Three Men and a Baby; Home Improvement, Mr. Mom, etc.). Additional portrayals of fathers by the media include the “rotten father” (First Wives Club), the “non-committed” or “stay-away” father (Bambi), and the “not needed” father (The Big Chill; E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial).

On Father’s Day many negative articles about fathers are published (“Disappearing Dads Disruptive to Society,” “Where Have All the Fathers Gone?” and “Deconstructing the Essential Father”), but the most poignant story to represent the “useless father myth” is the following, a cartoon depicting a 5 year-old girl looking at the calendar and noticing “Father’s Day” asks her mother, “what is a father?”

Importance of fathers in child developmentFathers and Cognitive Development Numerous investigators have examined the important role a father plays in his child’s cognitive development. A positive relationship has been found between the amount of social stimulation (rocking, talking, looking, touching) and an infant’s level of mental ability. In addition, research findings suggest that a father’s presence affects the cognitive development of his son in early infancy; baby boys whose fathers live with them score higher on cognitive measures than baby boys whose fathers are absent. The amount of interaction between a baby boy and his live-in father also affects the infant’s intellectual growth; more frequent contact is associated with higher scores on cognitive development scales.
Research further indicates that a father’s availability, as well as a father’s presence or absence, affects older children’s academic performance. In a study of third-grade boys, Blanchard and Biller (1971) concluded, “underachievers, who were working below grade level, came from homes where the father had left before the child was 5. The superior academic performers were the boys whose fathers were present and highly available.”

A survey of over 20,000 parents found when fathers are involved in their children’s education including attending meetings and volunteering, children were more likely to receive an A, enjoy school, participate in extracurricular activities, and less likely to be retained.

Fathers and socio-emotional developmentIn early infancy, the quality of the relationship between a father and his child affects the baby’s ability to socially interact with other adults. Findings from studies involving infants as young as five months old suggest a positive relationship between a baby boy’s contact with his father and the infant’s _expression of friendliness toward a strange adult; baby boys who have more contact with their fathers are friendlier, more vocal, more willing to be picked up, and enjoy frolic play more than sons who have less involved fathers.

During the preschool years, a father’s consistency in discipline is further related to his child’s socio-emotional development. In a study conducted by Baumrind (1967), paternal consistent discipline was associated with likable, autonomous, imaginative, and confident behavior in boys, and well-socialized, friendly, and dependable behavior in girls. Children in single-parent families are two to three times as likely as children in two-parent families to have emotional and behavioral problems.

Fathers and physical development
Most studies conducted in the area of fathers and the physical development of their children have been focused on the issue of how fathers play with their children. A general conclusion from this research is that fathers are not only more likely than mothers to be an infant’s play partner, but also the type of play initiated by fathers is different than that provided by mothers. Fathers tend to engage their infants in physically stimulating and unpredictable or idiosyncratic types of play. Mothers, meanwhile, are more likely to initiate conventional games (like peek-a-boo and pat-a-cake) and toy-mediated play. This paternal play style undoubtedly fosters an infant’s physical competence by providing opportunities for exercise and gross motor development. Physical contact is a sign of being wanted and is an important means of communicating our presence to others.

Fathers and spiritual developmentThe father has traditionally been the one, from Old Testament times until present day, whom the family looks to for strength and leadership. Like anything else, there are exceptions. We have to be careful that we do not let the exceptions be seen as the rule. In the times and society we live in today the father is not always the spiritual leader, the mother is. The mother plays a very special and important role in the spiritual formation and development of her children, but when both mother and father take an active role in this development the effectiveness is profoundly greater.

The mother is very influential in “molding” the spirituality of the children, but the father is the one that enables it to harden and take its final shape. Without the father’s support and leadership the pot will “crumble.”
A child needs both parents, if possible, to set him solidly on the right spiritual path. Single parents can accomplish this task, but without both the father and mother it becomes even more difficult.

SummaryNumerous governmental agencies; politicians; religious, community and civic leaders; educators; health care workers; and others are calling for a national effort to bring back responsible fatherhood. There has been a proliferation of material written in the past five years on the topic of the importance of fathers and fatherhood.

David Blankenhorn (1995) offered twelve proposals to assist the fatherhood movement. His first proposal is in the form of a pledge that every man should take:
Many people today believe that fathers are unnecessary. I believe the opposite. I pledge to live my life according to the principle that every child deserves a father; that marriage is the pathway to effective fatherhood; that part of being a good man means being a good father; and that America needs more good men.
Blankenhorn stated that numerous religious leaders have abdicated the entire issue of marriage to divorce lawyers. Some clergy have lost interest in defending and strengthening marriage. Others cite that they are concerned about offending church members who are divorced or unmarried.

Additionally, the National Fatherhood Summit (Washington, D. C.) recommendations of June 1998 call on faith-based communities to assist in bringing fathers back to their families. State initiatives such as “Building Bright Beginnings” in Indiana are recognizing fathers do count. Current right and left political platforms are addressing the urgency of children growing up without fathers in their lives. Many are calling on the church to lead the return of fathers to their children.

God has placed great emphasis on the important role of fathers. “Scripture teaches that a father has many roles. Among them: he is the head of the family (Joshua 24:1); he is to be the family’s teacher and is responsible for seeing that family life is in accordance with God’s instructions (Deut. 6:7, 20ff); he is to be a respected authority in the family (Exod. 20:12), the family’s priest (Exod. 12:3), and the family’s provider and protector (1 Tim. 5:8).”

Fathers: Who needs them? We all need fathers. Society should values them, include them, and encourage their involvement in their families.

Resources

National Fatherhood AssociationsNational Fatherhood Initiative National Center on FatheringNational Center on Fathers and FamiliesSt. Joseph’s Covenant KeepersPromise Keepers

Web Sites
www.nfi.org
www.ncf.org
www.dads.org
www.about.com
http://www.fathermag.com/